I've been in a bit of a funk lately. It feels like nothing is moving forward but rather life is stagnating. No-one can afford to do much, business is quiet. I write and write but feel like I'm not getting very far. It's become abundantly clear to me that I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mum. It feels like something has to give but I'm not sure what.
I met an acquaintance on the train this morning. A completely random meeting, I'm not usually on that train and missed the one before by a nano-second so it feels like fate. I don't know her fabulously well, although we've been more than nodding neighbours for around three years. Our conversation covered a lot of ground over the twenty minute journey and she helped me to realise how blessed I am. I thought I'd write it down for my own reference so I can refer back in my darker days.
Here we go:
I have my own business. It allows me to spend a tiny bit of time with the children in the morning and more importantly leave early so I'm home in time for bed/book routine. Work has been quiet lately but I enjoy my job, I always have and know how lucky I am to be one of the few people who can truly claim that,
I work near a park where I go running during my lunch hour three times a week. London Zoo is on my route so I see Giraffes and Camels a couple of times a week. Also Herons, Ducks and Canada Geese. The gardens are beautiful and today they were rehearsing a musical for the summer open air theatre programme and strains of Chorus floated through the air. The park is full of happy tourists, students, families and lovers. It's a privilege to spend time there.
I have two beautiful children and a fantastic husband. He's not much domestically but is my tower, my strength, my better half. I would be lost without him and I am a better person with him.
I started writing last September. Since then I have been long listed for two writing competitions, received six publisher rejections for my children's story and am about 43k words through my first adult novel. Being a writer might be a pipe dream, but at least I'm working to make it happen.
The nice thing about Blogging is it's a bit like therapy. You get to
talk, follow your own stream of consciousness and articulate things that
are going on in your head.
I've got to sign off now. I should be focusing on my business and trying to drum up some new clients. It might be a bit late for a New Year's resolution but my New Week resolution is to be positive, grateful and try harder.
Wishing you all a good week.
